What They Don't Teach You in PR & Marketing

Lately, I have been thinking less about what I achieved in my career in my marketing and public relations career, and more about what I learned along the way. Not the titles or the campaigns, but the moments that quietly shaped how I see people, power, and communication. If I were speaking to a younger version of myself or someone just starting out today, I wouldn't warn them about competition or technology, I would tell them this: the real work isn't learning how to speak louder, it's learning how to listen better to what your priority audiences are saying.

When people talk about careers in public relations, marketing, or communications, they usually focus on the glamorous parts, the campaigns, the visibility, the creativity, and the wins. What they don't talk about are the quiet lessons you only learn after years working in the field. The ones that don't make it into textbooks or job descriptions. The ones that shape how you see people, power, and yourself.

Over time, I learned a few truths I wish someone had told me earlier:

• Talent alone won’t carry you, consistency and awareness will.

• Confidence is often mistaken for competence.

• Listening is more powerful than speaking.

• Integrity matters more than titles.

• Relationships outlast campaigns.

• Burnout is a warning sign, not a badge of honour.

• And the quietest people in the room often carry the most insight

These lessons shaped how I work, how I lead, and how I show up for others. They reminded me that success in this field isn’t about being seen, it’s about seeing others clearly.

I worked hard most of my life and decided that I wanted to work in advertising, helping to develop campaigns and give an audience what they wanted. As you see, I was totally naive. After working with one of the largest ad agencies in San Francisco it didn't take long to realise that I didn't understand the politics that existed in trying to do my job. As a young person I was excited to learn the ropes. It took me almost a year to realise that it was the wrong work for me, not because I couldn't design great campaigns, but because I simply wasn't allowed to fit in or learn from the so-called professionals with over inflated egos. Being a young Black man, it suddenly became clear that I would never be part of the team, no matter how many long hours I worked to get projects completed and on time. Regardless, I kept striving to be included on the team so I could share my ideas that were usually stolen by other incompetent staff who were promoted and given better assignments. For almost a year, my contract was to develop dog food ads, or other projects no one wanted to touch because they had no potential to be successful. Being young, I still didn't understand the obvious discrimination against any person of colour, older staff, or women. One day a senior staff member pulled me into his office and said, " Son, you will never fit in here." When I asked why, he said, "You just don't.", so I started to pack my few personal items and departed.

A valuable lesson I learned was that many people are talented, but struggling. Few are consistent, ethical, and emotionally aware, and that longevity comes from how you treat people, not how loud you are. You don't need to name names like most people love doing to feed their egos, you just need to state the truth. I learned that loud voices often rise fastest in any organisation, whether they sound stupid or not. The quiet thinkers often carry the real weight in the field and it's critical to learn to trust yourself and follow your intuition. Feeling lost for several months, I took a position as a secretary in order to pay my rent and college loan bills. My boss there was amazing and taught me many techniques and values that I used in my future jobs. She called me in one afternoon and said that I was too overqualified to be there and asked if she could introduce me to one of her colleagues in the broadcast industry. Remember, I am young and naive and looking confused, I asked her what I would do in broadcasting and told her I didn't want to be a disc jockey. She laughed and tried to help me to relax. Once again, I packed my personal belongings, and she stopped me and said that I would continue working with her until she could schedule a time for me to meet my potential new employer.

We never know when an opportunity could change our lives. It was a well-known radio station in San Francisco and I was very nervous. I had never been inside a radio or television station, so this was exciting. Her friend was incredible. She was in charge of Public Affairs, writing editorials, conducting daily interviews, coordinating promotions and advertising, and working with all the community organisations to help them promote their events and products. On the spot, she gave me a writing assignment which today I realise was a real test. She insisted that I write a short editorial on the topic of Abortion: Pros & Cons. I froze with fear. She put me in front of a typewriter, locked me in her office and said I will be back in an hour. To my surprise, thoughts and ideas flowed out of me. At the end of the hour, she returned to critique my writing. She said, "Your writing is very educational, I want you to write for the ear, that's how you capture the attention of our listening audience." She helped me to make the changes. On the spot, she snatched the editorial from my hand, turned on the radio and went into the studio to read it on air. I was glowing with excitement. She came out and said, "I look forward to working with you, you can start in 2 weeks as my Assistant Director of Public Affairs and I will teach you everything about the business and how to survive." I had no idea what any of it meant but I was thrilled. I soon learned she was an icon, the infamous Julia Hare, PhD who had written several books and travelled around the country interviewing celebrities and being guests on many shows.

A great lesson in life taught me to comprehend that relationships matter more than campaigns. It was a lesson I never learned while working in advertising. I learned the importance of trust over tactics, to listen before messaging, and to respect communities and/or priority audiences, not marketing to them. Even today, I smile when I think of the way she shaped and moulded me to be the person who I am today. I worked with her for 10 years. She moved to another station as a talk show host but refused to leave unless I was given her position. She was a force to reckon with. There were many roadblocks and arguments because they wanted one of their good ol' boys to take the position. She refused and gave the general manager hell, then went to their corporate offices to present her case. Upon her return, I was promoted and put in charge of everything she had taught me. That lesson prepared me for so much more. Although she was at another station, she never left my side and she remained my mentor and best friend forever, advising and guiding me and helping to make me stronger. Watching many of my colleagues, I learned that burnout is a warning sign, not a badge of honour although so many staff members strived for that badge. She made me swear to do one thing throughout my entire career -- to always give back to someone that has integrity and the drive to be successful. Throughout my entire career I have never stopped helping others who truly wanted to achieve their goals.

During that time, I met a PR & Marketing professor at San Francisco State University who took a genuine interest in me and another student and decided to mentor us. She taught us lots of lessons on how to take care of ourselves when sitting in a den of rattle snakes or swimming with sharks. She said that we were guppies and would teach us how to deal with sharks who would be coming after us because they could see our talent and creativity. It wasn't easy, but the lessons that she taught us saved our lives and frightened the evil sharks at the table during meetings. Finally, they backed off and agreed that we were the same as them, and sharks don't attack each other. In reality, we weren't sharks, but we knew the right time to become a shark. That lesson works every day of my life, especially when dealing with bullies in the workforce. I am still grateful for all the support and guidance received from Debra Lowe, PhD in Marketing.

When I think back on those days, there are so many things I wished I would have known earlier, such as:

• If you are a person of colour or a woman you are often seen as a threat.

• Not understanding that this industry doesn't just test your skills, it tests your awareness.

• Taking a stand and speaking up for yourself and for others who may not have a voice, especially in most agency meetings.

• Learning why we have 2 ears. One ear is for listening to what is being said and the second ear to hear what isn't being said by the client. It helps to be able to evaluate what was shared and repeat it to the client to make sure it's what they desired to see happen.

Listening is the beginning of communication. This may sound obvious, but it's rarely practiced well. True listening isn't waiting for your turn to talk. It's paying attention without preparing a response. It's noticing what is being said, and what isn't. It's understanding context, emotion, and intention. In communications, listening changes everything and clients often take notice of it. It reveals what people actually care about. It helps you to avoid costly missteps, it builds trust before a single message is written, it makes your work more human and more effective. Some of the best outcomes I have seen didn't just come from clever strategies, but from someone taking the time to truly listen before acting.

You learn quickly that knowing how to do something isn't the same as knowing when to do it, or why. You learn that communication isn't just about messaging; it's about timing, perception, power, and people. Most of those lessons don't come from training sessions or degrees, they come from experience, sometimes uncomfortable experience. Talent isn't the thing that sets any of us apart. One of the first surprises I encountered was realising just how talented everyone is. There were brilliant writers, smart strategists, creative thinkers, and polished presenters. The communication industry is full of capable people. Talent, it turns out, is not the differentiator we like to believe it is.

The people who survive are not always the most impressive on paper. They are the ones who show up prepared to work, stay grounded under pressure, and understand that relationships matter more than recognition. There is no place for a narcissist, although they do manage to slip in through the gate.

Confidence is often mistaken for competence. This one took me a while to fully understand. I remember when confidence was rewarded faster than competence. The person who speaks the loudest or most often is assumed to know the most, but it's not true. They have learned to bully others in staff meetings in order to promote their ideas, even though most of their ideas are horrific. The one with the strongest opinion can dominate the conversation and talk over others even when their opinion isn't fully formed or makes any sense. I have seen men and women playing this disgusting role in every type of business. However, over time patterns emerge:

• You start to notice who consistently delivers.

• Who follows through on projects and deadlines.

• Who listens before responding.

• Who doesn't need to perform to be effective.

And you also begin to recognise that real confidence doesn't announce itself. It's steady. It's thoughtful. It's rooted in preparation rather than ego. It's essential in every field to learn to trust your own judgment, even when it's quieter than others. It's one of the most valuable lessons this field should teach you.

Always remember that relationships outlast campaigns. Campaigns end, strategies evolve, budgets change, and platforms disappear. But relationships last. The people you treat with respect, honesty, and consistency, those relationships carry forward. They open doors you didn't know existed. They create goodwill that no marketing budget can buy. This industry is smaller than it looks. People remember how you made them feel. They remember whether you listened. They remember whether you took responsibility or shifted blame. Your reputation travels faster than your resume ever will.

Looking back now, I understand something I couldn’t see when I was younger: this industry doesn’t just test your skills, it tests your awareness and values. It teaches you how to listen before speaking. How to observe before reacting. How to stand your ground without losing your integrity. How to recognise that success isn’t about being the loudest voice in the room, but the most thoughtful one.

The lessons that matter most aren’t found in textbooks or training manuals. They’re learned through experience, through people who believe in you, and sometimes through moments that challenge you to decide who you want to be. And perhaps that’s the greatest lesson of all, that communication, at its core, isn’t about messaging, it's about humanity. In the next part of this series, I’ll explore the quiet skills that actually make you successful, the ones no one teaches, but everyone eventually needs.